My hilariously awful attempt at helping an outsourcing firm with their email grammar

I received something like 6 emails today from various companies who are in far away lands and trying to be hired for WordPress work here in the states. Most of them had proper English usage (something even I can’t figure out – see below). There were a few that were just horrible. I am not sure why but I decided to try to help out the last guy by proofreading his email to the best of my shitty English ability and sending it back to him. As it turns out, it was a little like the grammar-ignorant leading the ESL student.

This is what I received originally:

Helo how are you ?
I am WordPress Developer and have many experince for website development
like blog , e-commerce , online advertising, Content management and
syndication system. I am also good Knowledge of XHTML (standards compliance
and basic accessibility) and Cascading Style Sheets (CSS) – HTML5 & CSS3 .
Good knowledge of Adobe Fireworks / Photoshop / Dreamweaver , jQuery, PSD to
WP and excelent  with PHP . I’ve been professionally since 2006. ( more than
5 years )

[list of who knows how many links to his portfolio items.]

This is what I sent him back:

We are not interested in contract development at this time. Thanks for the offer.
Btw, there were some spelling and grammar mistakes in your email. Here’s a revised version for your future use:

I am WordPress Developer who has extensive experience in developing blogs, e-commerce sites, managing online advertising, content management and
syndication. I am also build everything with XHTML standards, for basic accessibility using HTML5 & CSS3.  I have good familiarity with Adobe Fireworks / Photoshop / Dreamweaver , jQuery, PSD to WP themes, and I am excellent with PHP. I’ve been professionally developing since 2006.

This is more likely to get a proper response from someone in the US, because most people here who would hire a contractor from another country needs to know that you have good English skills and can communicate with them clearly.  Best of luck in your future endeavors.
I have to admit, now that I am posting this on my blog I noticed a bunch of shit that even I did wrong in my feeble attempt here.
  • I completely disregarded his intro: “Helo”
  • I love the fact that I used “btw” in my email.
  • I used the phrase “needs to know”, when I probably should have used “need to know”.
  • Hilarity on top of comedy, I realized I forgot to delete the “am” from the sentence “I am also build everything” in my version
  • I did not even bother commenting with the crap in his list of portfolio items, upon going back – it’s horrible.
Like I said, “best of my shitty English ability”. I am not a grammar Natzi and I was editing very quickly.  Really, I just wanted to help the guy out a bit.  In the end, this probably will not actually help any more than what he had originally. More than likely as soon as the next email comes from him it will be riddled with the same original mistakes on top of whatever he picked up from my shitty attempt.
Hopefully my version will at least get him more responses and therefore more practice with the language of the people he is trying to get to hire him.

Best of luck dude!


Grammar Challenge: Tell me what else I completely fucked up, so I can attempt to learn the language of MY OWN people. No seriously, please tell me. I sicken myself with my horrible grammar sometimes. Also, I am terrible with commas. I love to put those fuckers everywhere. It’s a mo-f’n comma parade up in here.

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