An open letter to people who want to judge how we’re raising our kid

This was originally posted on Facebook. I have since added to it, edited it, and will continue to do so as I please. If you don’t have something constructive and non-judgmental to add to the conversation, fuck off and don’t bother commenting because I’ll delete your nastiness. It’s my site and I’ll do what I want with it and to it. 

The whole time my wife was pregnant, she ate what she wanted and did as much or as little as she wanted. She chose to work through her pregnancy because she could, because we needed the money, and because it made her happy.  I worked through the whole pregnancy too.

Our child was born in a hospital, her mother requested an epidural, and luckily we got out of the hospital with very few complications.  E’s ass has been wrapped in brand name diapers since less than two minutes after I was handed the scissors to cut the umbilical cord and the detritus of her birth was wiped away. She has also been drinking namebrand and grocery store formula after only being on this planet for less than a month.

12 weeks after being born, my wife was back to work and E was put in day care. She’s been in day care ever since. That means every weekday possible from 6:30am-5/6pm every night. She loves it at day care and it enables both her parents to work jobs that they find fulfilling and that pay the bills.

At meal times we feed E whatever she will eat because most of the time she’s not into whatever we’re eating and we’re not prepared for the backlash at 11pm when she wakes up with a stomach ache from being so hungry. That means E eats blue box Mac-n-cheese, processed cheese slices, discount grocery store brand white bread, whole milk that’s been pasteurized and homogenized, water straight from the tap, and sometimes even juice out of a plastic container that says 10% on the side.

E won’t be purposefully exposed to religion until she asks about it. She will be exposed to things like Santa and The Easter Bunny, because they are fun and we don’t see any harm from believing in something. When she does ask about these things, we will explain them in as non-biased a way as we can, that lets her make her own decisions. Religion isn’t for her parents, but we will support whatever she wants to believe without pushing her one way or another.

E will be brought up to believe that every single person on this planet is allowed their own beliefs and their own opinions, however different from our own it might be. We will show her that every single human is allowed to love whoever they want, so long as it isn’t harmful to the person they love. If she chooses to believe differently, we will be saddened, but ultimately that’s up to her. She will also be taught about science; what the definitions, differences, and overlaps are between theory, proof, belief, faith, and facts; and what the difference between causation and correlation are. Not to be contrary, but because these are fundamental things that most people don’t seem to understand or choose not to understand. None of this will be right away and we know it but we discussed all of this well before we decided to have kids.  These keywords and thought processes are in our playbook to teach our daughter the importance of being able to see through the fog of spin, fallacy, and illogical thinking.

We both believe that this beautiful little girl will grow up fine and healthy, with the knowledge that she had a happy childhood that was better than the one I had.  You know what though, if she doesn’t grow up healthy or contracts something as a result of too much processed foods or not enough religion, we will still love her all the same and continue to do whatever we possibly can for her. The same as you would. No matter what and without question or thought to the contrary.

Instead of spending your energy evangelizing your parenting-religion, spend that time and energy with your kid.  Do what you’re going to do for your kid and help them grow up to be an awesome person. While you’re doing that, please keep your goddamn soapboxes to yourself. I don’t want them near me, my family, or my kid. I am tired of seeing the anger and pain that your judgments cause in my home and I frankly my family doesn’t have to put up with it.

Please have your thoughts, your judgements, your ideas, your religion, and your beliefs; but please keep them to yourselves. If you can do that, we’re good. If you can’t, we’re done. It’s that simple.

Until child services comes knocking on our door to take E away, you continue to take care of you and we’ll take care of us.

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  • Fred Hopper

    Sounds like the right way to raise them. Mine were teething on hard pizza crusts, anything we could get them to eat was fine. They both turned out great so far, College with scholarships, and graduated.